Too Nice

Look at you, Miss highty tighty, you think say you nice? You think you are a white lady now, you with your this and your that….

Apparently having ambition, a high self esteem, a fuck you attitude, liking nice things, wanting to be friends with people, black or white who see the world as glass half full instead of half empty, not blaming my skin colour if I fail at anything in life means I want to be white.

Here are some of my likes which apparently also means I want to be white.

I shop at John Lewis – I want to be white.

I shop at Net-A-Porter – I want to be white.

I like to hang in the sunshine – Do you think you need a tan love? Do you think you are a white lady?

I shop at second-hand shops – I want to be white.

I like Caribbean food – I’m black.

I like Farrow and Ball paint – I want to be white.

I like Green and Black Paint – I want to be white.

I shop at Selfridges – I want to be white.

I get my food shopping delivered by Ocado – I want to be white.

I wear my hair natural – I’m black.

I buy freshly cut flowers – I want to be white.

I live in an multi-cultured mixed area – Thank heavens you didn’t move to the British countryside my dear or we really would have called you the white lady!

I like to garden – Well that’s ok, just as long as you don’t grow shrubs love. That’s white.

I don’t smack my kids – that’s white. If you spare the rod, you will spoil the child. Don’t you know that?!

I like organic food – I want to be white.

I’m vegetarian – You are not Rastafarian dear, so eat some meat. That’s white.

I try to speak properly, most of the time – What, you chatting like a white lady now!

Buy hey, guess what?

I like organic food, because I grew up on a farm in the countryside and I know what fresh food taste like.

I shop at Ocado because they are the only ones who have delivered all my shopping ever. I have tried others. Don’t even think of ordering from Tesco at Christmas!

I shop at John Lewis, Net-A-Porter, Selfridges, Green and Black, Farrow and Ball and others, because I like nice things and when did liking nice things became only for white people?

I don’t smack my kids because I was smacked and I am breaking the abuse chain!

I like second-hand clothes because all those barrels sent over by foreign relatives had nothing but…

I like gardening and I like buying fresh flowers because oh that country-side childhood again…

You don’t know ME.


How do I dress? Black or White and I don’t mean the clothes colour!

So, as a middle class black mum in London, how should one dress to stand out from the other black mums who are not? Of course, to most white middle class people, most black women are already summed up as a single mother, living in a council flat, eating out of Iceland, but how do you smash that myth? Well you have to start in the way you dress! A middle class black mum does not wear loud clothes and I mean skin tight multi-coloured, sparkly stuff with extra long nails and thigh high boots on the school run, whether they are in fashion or not! Your white girlfriends might be able to get away with this look, but guess what you won’t be!  If you would like to nurture some great friendships on both sides of the class divide, you will need to dress more demure! Think a bit churchy norm core, but with some trendy fashion pieces thrown in. I usually give Net-A-Porter a whirl for a bit of inspiration and buy one fashion piece per month from them. This could either be a lovely pair of shoes or a nice shirt, that shows off it’s superior quality and then mix that in with some plain high street numbers. You will be surprised how many people always spot the Net-A -Porter piece every time! When it comes to your hair though, that’s another story.